Forgiveness in Marriage

Forgiveness in Marriage ©©©©©©©©© by Edward Freedom

Jesus says we need to forgive others—many, many times over. The reason for this is simple, really -- other people, no matter who they are, strangers on the street, or the person we are married to, will do and say things that will often hurt us in some way. In this e-book I talk about what happens if we don’t forgive? Let’s set it in our mind that we need to detach with forgiveness for our own well-being and peace. For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly father will also forgive you. Matthew 6:14 ©©©©©©©©© Do you find it hard to let go of the past and forgive your spouse, and loved ones? And, if you do forgive them, do you still feel angry or sad over it? Many times you might think you have forgiven your spouse only for the pain in your heart to come back and haunt you. It hurts so badly, even though you tried to forgive you just can’t seem to forget! This happens because you haven’t forgiven at all, at least not with your heart and soul. Forgiveness involves letting go of negative thoughts you have been carrying around with you. What happens when you are filled with negative feelings? Your emotional state of mind becomes trapped and can't get out. The real you is intent to wallow in self-induced resentment. Resentment is so powerful that it controls your state of mind and how you react to people and view the world around you. For instance you come home from work to find your husband already home, lounging around in his favorite chair, watching TV, while you still need to clean the house, cook dinner, give the baby a bath, and give your husband some sex. But you’re tired NOW and haven’t even started on any of those household things you need to do. Or you come home from work to find your wife getting ready to go out with her friends and she is dressing nicer for her friends then she does for you. You haven’t figured out why she does this but you feel left out and jealous because your wife doesn’t dress that nice for you, right? What is going to happen? You are going to see your spouse differently. They will give the impression of being something unattractive to you, according to what your thoughts are. You are going to feel negative things towards him or her because when you come home you feel completely overwhelmed with things that you got to do, and when you see the man you married comfortably relaxing, watching TV, you feel resentment and anger towards him. Or when you see your wife looking pretty for her friends you wonder who else she is trying to look pretty for? ©©©©©©©©© What is the real problem? The real problem here is that you have pent up issues that haven’t been discussed between you and your spouse. The real issue here is that you feel wronged in some way, and you haven’t quite forgiven them for that wrong because you are hurting. Maybe you haven’t forgiven because you just don’t talk anymore. Forgiving properly, the way Jesus intended is letting go of negative feelings that you have for someone, so you can begin to grow and come out of yourself. When you forgive others for their wrongs, you are doing yourself a favor by freeing yourself from the negativity. When you take care of yourself FIRST and detach from that which is negative, those around you will most likely find a solution to their problem and do likewise. No one wants to be alone in his or her troubles. By forgiving another for what we think they might have done to us, we continue in our growth process, instead of stalling and rummaging in resentment and negative feelings. Let’s forgive! ©©©©©© First of all, understand, you're only So, how can you forgive? ©©©  hurting yourself and your spouse by harboring unpleasant feelings toward them. This creates more resentment, which causes you to perceive your spouse in a negative light. Everything he or she does makes you feel disgusted, angry, abused, letdown, scared, sick; etc. In all reality, you have allowed your emotions to dictate your actions and control your thoughts about your spouse. That is why you cannot forgive! You really don’t want to forgive. The hurt hurts. The hurt tells you to forgive but your feelings have taken the lead and have overwritten the ability to forgive completely. Your feelings are set on default. Default to come alive every time you start to hurt again. Do you get it? Your spouse did the wrong, not you, but because you have not forgiven, you have obtained a hardened heart towards him or her, which is so very detrimental to the marriage. The next time your spouse does anything, even minor, like relaxing in his favorite chair instead of taking out the garbage, forgiveness will become even harder to achieve. It's a vicious cycle that never goes away unless you just LET IT GO! Jesus called this “turning the other cheek”. If we can turn the other cheek to our enemies, those we don’t like, how hard can it be to turn the other cheek towards our spouse? The first step in forgiving is to start talking again when issues happen in the marriage, don’t wait until the moon is full again, and don’t put stuff on the back burner either! Learn to deal with marriage issues and life’s troubles as they come, and do not procrastinate. The sooner problems get hashed out the better it is for your spiritual health! ©©©©©©©©© Explain to your spouse why they offended you. Express yourself  in a calm manner about how YOU FEEL. Don’t tell them how they feel. Do not finger point, blame, and harass your spouse. Say, “I feel that you have been cold and distant lately, and I feel that you don’t care about me like you used to.” Don’t say, “You don’t care about me anymore, you have been cold and distant.” Say, “I feel like all you want is sex, that is the only time you touch me anymore.” Don’t say, “All you want is sex, you never touch me anymore.” Remember, your feelings are your feelings. Your thoughts are your thoughts. Don’t define you spouse by telling them how they feel or why they do the things they do. © Next, enlighten your spouse by explaining how you will pray for the heavy burden of this wrong to be taken off your shoulders. After all, why should you bear the consequences of someone else's actions? God says He will lift the heavy-laden burdens from you if you trust in him. Freeing the hardened heart allows for forgiveness to take place. We can be so much better people for one another other when we just let the past go and live for today, and love! Open your heart and forgive today. © Biblical Studies on Forgiveness – The apostle Peter asked Jesus, "Lord how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Till seven times?" Jesus said unto Peter, " I say not unto thee, not seven times: but, until seventy times seven. Why do you think Jesus wants us to keep forgiving over and over again? I think it is because He wants us to love. He wants us to grow and learn about ourselves, so we can be helpful to our partners and other people around us. How can we be useful to others when we are constantly holding grudges and sustaining a negative spirit against them? Christ's forgiveness is unconditional. He never places conditions on His love or forgiveness for us by saying, "I will forgive you only if you change," apologize or do what I want." Christ is ready to be hurt seventy times seven times and still forgive us. Wow! We are to forgive others as God has forgiven us! Detach With Love For Forgiveness to Take Place To forgive completely, you must release yourself from accepting the sins of your spouse. And, you must detach from the thoughts you are feeling from the sin your spouse committed. If you do this wholeheartedly you will be able to forgive them. See Free E-book on Forgiving an unfaithful spouse. Remember that only discussing a problem with your spouse doesn't necessarily free you from the feelings of bitterness and resentment. You must forgive your spouse from within yourself to be free in heart, mind and soul. . When you allow yourself freedom from another's burden, your spirit awakens from within and allows you to use it for the good in every aspect of your life. Because you are free to be yourself without allowing your emotions to dictate your actions. Once you have learned how to forgive properly by not soaking in the consequences of your spouse’s actions, they too, will begin to see that he or she is only doing these things to themselves. When you detach yourself from their weakness, instead of being the spongy spouse you have been, it will inevitably grab at their conscience and make them realize that they are alone in their behavior. Let me reiterate this again--when we detach ourselves from negative feelings and actions, we don't take the abuse. © Detaching doesn't mean that you don’t love your spouse or that you must be cruel to them. On the contrary, when you detach yourself from negative behavior and feelings from within your spirit, it allows you to truly love who you married the way God intended you to love them, with no conditions set upon your love for them!! At first, detaching from your spouse in this way may seem unkind to you, but it is not. You are being unkind to your spouse by not forgiving them! We can only help others After we have helped ourselves first. ©©©©©©©©© It is so very possible to leave all the excess baggage of resentment, anger and bitterness behind, so we can forgive and then love unconditionally! ©©©©©©©©© Copyright ã  2012 Edward Freedom Family Restoration Ministries Lifeboat School of Marriage and Relationship About the author: Edward Freedom and his wife Juliet offers spiritual enlightenment tips for couples in marriage, and is the Host of Popular Radio and TV Program called:  FAMILY RESTORATION HOUR We are on a mission to rescue the lost and restore the families of men back to Gods Glory and praise! This unique program is about love, life, marriage, addiction, temptation, and understanding the power of spiritual awareness for your marriage. In this program, Edward and Juliet reveals their own journey of overcoming challenges and battling with their negative emotions that they allowed to embrace their life and marriage. Edward Freedom counsels couples, offers a free monthly Marriage Seminar, runs a quarterly School of Marriage and Relationship and writes a monthly newsletter where he reveals his secrets on how YOU can stay happily married for life! Subscribe to get your FREE monthly newsletter so you can stay happily and forever married! http://www.lifeboatmarriageschool.blogspot.com/