Are you having an emotional affair?

Are you having an emotional affair?

 Emotional affairs are fuelled by the fact that there’s no sexual intimacy involved.

To most people, an affair isn’t an affair unless physical intimacy is involved.

Cheating, in the context of marriage, has for a long time been defined as sexual intimacy with someone who isn’t your husband or wife.

However, the fact is that there is more to unfaithfulness than an illicit physical romp.

Think about it – what would you call regular chats, lunch and coffee dates with a co-worker, who knows everything about you, including the fight you had with your husband or your wife two days

ago?

As long as you’re engaged in an intimate relationship with someone other than your spouse – whether through physical meetings, through the phone, email, facebook, or other social forums, you’re having an affair.

It does not matter whether your cozy conversations have never gone beyond the occasional lunch or coffee dates you have with that colleague from marketing.

As long as confide in each other, share your hopes, dreams and disappointments with him or her, then you’re having an emotional affair – after all, these are the kind of issues that you should be talking about with your spouse.

If you asked them, most people who are having an emotional affair do not think they’re cheating on their spouse.

Their automatic defence is that there’s no actual physical contact, so their behaviour can’t be considered cheating.

An emotional affair, like a physical affair, often begins with simple “hellos”. As you get more acquainted, the information becomes more personal, and you start to reveal intimate information about yourself.

You also begin to invest in the relationship, in terms of spending too much time on the phone or online with the other person, or instead of going home immediately after work, spending time with the other person.

Emotional affairs are fuelled by the fact that it isn’t a “real” affair, after all, there’s no danger that your partner or someone who knows you will walk in on you doing something inappropriate.

However, emotional affairs are perhaps even more dangerous than physical affairs, because they give the illusion that the other person cares about you, and understands you, and listens to you, unlike your spouse.

That said, if you’re in an emotional relationship, chances are that you’re going through a rough patch in your marriage, otherwise you wouldn’t fall for the overtures of another person.

If this is the case, the solution lies in discussing whatever it is that is bothering you, with your spouse.

You cannot tackle the issues in your marriage by talking about them with another person, other than your spouse.

While it is normal and healthy to have a social life outside marriage, these friendships should have a boundary.

Signs that you’re having an emotional affair

•  You meet your friend regularly for lunch or coffee, but do not tell your spouse about it, or if asked where you were, you lie.

•  You discuss your spouse and your relationship with him or her.

*He knows your plans for the future, and you have shared your fears, hopes, and dreams with him.

•  You go to extra lengths to spend time with him or her